Cry Baby Cry
by PhantomKat
Summary: Set after BDM. Zoe's thoughts on the passing of Wash.


Hi everyone! Thanks for coming to check out my story. Um, yeah so Wash's death in Serenity makes me so depress that I really can't watch the end of that movie anymore. This might turn into a series with everyone's thoughts on the end of Serenity. Anyway, read, review, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: It's Joss's shiny 'verse. I'm just borrowing it....

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She never cried. Not once. Perhaps as a small child, but never since. Not during the war, when her comrades fell around her. Not even when she was injured, she just gritted her teeth and moved on. That was her life. She was a warrior woman, strong and unwavering. Then why was it that she sat on her bed wrapped in one of her husband's worn Hawaiian shirts with her arms clutching his pillow to her chest and tears threatening to spill from her eyes? The answer was simple. He was her husband, and she loved him.

She could not really remember why or how, but she fell in love with him despite his childish ways of playing with plastic dinosaurs or his refusing to shave off that gorram lip ferret. However, he finally shaved, although he did not get rid of the dinosaurs, and asked her for her hand. She was so happy with him. He could make her laugh; maybe that was it, the reason she loved him so much. Her life had been filled with sorrow and heartbreak, but not with laughter. She had obtained it for a while; then, lost it as swiftly as it had come.

A piece of metal slicing through his body with her watching. That was not how he wanted to go; she was sure of it. He would have wanted to go laughing or to die a hero. Ever since Canton, he had liked the idea of being a hero and not just a criminal, something like Robin Hood, the Earth-that-was folk hero.

But he was a hero. Not just to her, but to the rest of the crew. He was a friend, a father figure, a jester, the one who kept the spirits high, but would not hesitate to save a crewmember. She knew Mal still appreciated their rescue mission.

The tears began to fall. They started at the corner of her eye and flowed down her face. She blinked rapidly in an attempt to stem their flow, but it was in vain. The first droplet hung on her chin, quivered, and fell to the pillow. More followed the first, joined by the almost inaudible sobs and the shaking of her body. It was strange. She had not cried at the funeral. Instead, she had been strangely calm and serene. Perhaps then she did not realize the gravity of Wash being gone, but now, when she was alone, she felt the weight of sadness fall upon her. Oh, God, how she wished he could be here to comfort her, take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. She buried her face in his pillow, hoping that his scent would comfort her, yet it only brought memories back. His voice whispered to her again, lovingly caressing her soul and opening her heart again. It sounded so real, as if he were sitting next to her.

"Wash?" she questioned the room, half hoping there would be an answer. Only silence met her ears and a choked sob escaped her lips. She wiped her eves with the back of her hand and let out a long sigh.

Part of her was gone now. She was incomplete again. Half of her heart was as empty and black as the sky she traveled in, but her memories and thoughts were as numerous and eternal as the stars and worlds in the 'verse. As she got up to splash water on her face, she wished that she had more than memories; she wished she had something that she could hold or touch. Now she wished they had created a child, one with his face and his laugh. Another audible breath sounded in the quiet room as she changed into the stoic woman that would not cry, the one almost no one saw. She wandered up into the dark ship that certainly lived up to its namesake this early in the morning. No one was about, the air was calm and still. She made her way through the corridor into the common area. It was her intention to go to the kitchen, maybe find some coffee to start the day. A quiet voice made her stop in her tracks.

"Not gone, you know. Still hangs around."

She peered into the ill-lit room.

"River? Is that you?"

River came out of the shadows with a serene smile on her face.

"He likes it here. May not leave."

"River, honey, what are you talking about?"

Instead of answering, the girl merely giggled, moved toward her, and placed her palm against Zoe's stomach. Her smile grew wider.

"Not grown yet. Not even kicking. Lays there dormant, waiting for its moment." River's eyes looked into Zoe's. "Don't worry. It'll look like him."

River removed her hand and skipped back into the darkness. Zoe covered her stomach with her own hands. Wash would have wanted this, even if it would grow up in a less than safe environment. Her wish had been granted.

"Thank you," she whispered to Wash, who she was sure was looking out for her from above.


End file.
